The end of the year is nearly upon us, and what a year this has been for me! I am barely recognizable as the person I was just 12 months ago. And yet the changes are in my opinion ever for the better.
I am removing all my past entries from public view. I feel as though everything I have ever constructed thus far has been inherently flawed. It is time for me to change this.
Objectivism is no longer tenable as a philosophical position. Neither is Omnipotent Rationality or Omniscient Empiricism, my past idealistic gods. No, there is something deeper here, that I had not caught until a few weeks ago. I believe I've sufficiently analyzed my position, so here is my first proclamation, which may yet be overhauled within three months...
Hark! I cry unto you, O woeful human, slavishly caught in your obsequious Ignorance and Mediocrity, unaware of the Heavy Chains bearing down upon your Raw Neck! Awaken, or rather understand that you are indeed Asleep, slumbering Hopelessly in the Pit of your own cognitive Limitations! You shall never arise from this world of Dream; and yet if ever you succeeded, truly Another sphere of undecidable Claims would lie upon its Rotting Corpse!
I had placed my faith in Objectivist Logic, Rationality, Beauty of word and transition, yet my god failed to produce even that he possessed legs! I once aspired to understand the ephemeral "truth" according to formal systems; it was always my contention that the external world could be apprehended accurately by strict interpretation of sensory data built up into a Grand Tower of Apollo's Creation. And yet Ganto's Ax fell down, down, and the glinting blade cut off my head! Suddenly my mind was separated from my body's physical apprehension of the "material." From Godel I learned that all formal systems (and what system, in the end, is not formal?) necessarily create self-referential theorems whose "truth value" is indecipherable. Epimenides the Cretan is known to most of you as the man who said, "All Cretans are liars."
Infinity! Paradox! Impossibility! Integral patterns of my own Thought! No matter how one tries to evade the issue, all formal systems need meta-systems to determine their validity. Yet what happens when one runs out of meta-meta-meta-systems in which to think? A brick wall. A Heavy, Black, Immutable Barrier that forbids all question.
I cannot process anything beyond the "Law" of Non-contradiction. That which is, is. That which is not, is not. The IS is not the IS NOT. To question this concept is impossible because of the built-in hardware of my brain. Non-contradiction has become a "certain" Law of Thought, one of the few truly "unquestionable" propositions.
Yet such Laws exist only in my Mind. There is no way to Verify them (or even Create them) outside of my own thought Patterns. Is this major feature of my Perception also characteristic of Reality? Paradox! I cannot ask the question without already Creating the answer!
And this is the heart of my newfound Lesson. I cannot check my "accuracy" beyond a certain hierarchical level. At a point I am forced to accept a mandatory form of unsubstantiated assertion, that which I once termed "Faith." Even if I shattered the wall of Non-contradiction, another meta-level would lie behind it, unassailable, taunting me with increasing doubt.
So where does this leave my past philosophical enquiry? Surely I cannot deign to assume I am capable of piercing through Deep Reality (if such exists). I can, however, work within the system that is forced upon me. Reason is not useless. It is merely limited. I cannot prove or disprove any concept in its relation to "the Truth," but I am forced merely to accept "Consistency" as a means of determination. I can yet refuse many propositions on the basis of their Inconsistency with my Perception. Yahweh is among them.
But what is this "Consistency?" It means not "truthfulness," "correctness," "rightness," or any other similar concept. It is simply logicality within formal restraints. It is my illusory Creation, my Goal, chosen by Me to tie together those pieces of my Life according to a unifying principle. My Will has been its sole Determinant. Thus Consistency becomes for me a self-defined and ultimately futile Morality, an Ethical basis for my necessary existential Choices.
No one can cause you to understand any proposition. YOU understand after assimilating data. You choose. You decide what data are relevant to Your Mind, and in the end, it shall be for You on the basis of a "Faith." All solid walls are illusory; see how the molecules laugh at your mental-impositions of Meaning and Personification!
Phenomonal existence merely appears to be, it IS not. The IS is impossible, unattainable, a fruit dangled before Tantalus. All you will only have is Perceptive Phenomena. And the Mind will ever cast in its own opinions and associations, its own Distortions of what lies beneath. Choose well your Imposed Machinations, for it is this Decision that will guide your course in Life.
Creation! The Mind Creates! Even in destruction it creates, imposes, decides, since the Negation, i.e., the Non-existent, does not exist! And yet even the smallest child can think of unicorns and talking trees! Creation is both lie (in relation to the truth) and necessary condition of all perception (lined with such false associations). Thus it is that all you will ever see or feel or hear is your Creation to a greater or lesser extent. One gives value to Pain, determines how to react to Death, and chooses in what he will take Pleasure.
Choice! This is the fulcrum, the True Power of the Human Mind! The Will kills and gives birth, yields and cuts down, controls the Greater portion of the Conscious Mind. Choose what to see, and your perception may follow suit. Propaganda!
And to Me it is this Choice that must be preserved. I owe nothing to any of you (if you exist). You owe nothing to me. I choose to give, you choose to take. Contractualism, I say, clarity, beauty, and CONSISTENCY. What else should I work toward?
Thus I write My own Tale. I've no substantial sources to depend on, only my own Bullshit. And thus it is that I Live, (Egoistically) for Myself, (Creatively) by Myself, and (Responsibly) with Myself.
For the first time in my life, I know that I know nothing at all.